Healthy Boundaries Workbook
A boundary is not a wall. It is a clear statement of what you can offer and what you cannot, said with respect. The goal is not to control the other person — it is to stay honest about yourself.
By Jamie Ruth Counseling · Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (Minnesota)
The simple structure
I feel ____ when ____. What I need is ____. If ____ continues, I will ____. Use this skeleton until the language becomes your own.
At work
'I can take this on if we move the Thursday deliverable to next week — which would you prefer?' Boundaries at work usually sound like trade-offs, not refusals.
With family
'I love you and I am not going to discuss this at dinner. If it comes up again I will step away for a bit and come back when we change topics.' Calm, specific, and includes the follow-through.
In friendship
'I am not in a place to be the person you process this with right now. I care about you and I want to point you toward someone who can hold this better than I can this season.'
With yourself
The hardest boundaries are internal — bedtime, phone use, what you say yes to. Write the boundary down, decide the follow-through in advance, and treat yourself with the same respect you give other people.
When someone reacts badly
A boundary is not negotiated; it is informed. You can acknowledge their feelings without rescinding the limit. 'I can see this is frustrating. The answer is still no.'
About Jamie Ruth Counseling
Jamie Ruth, MA, LPCC, is the founder of Jamie Ruth Counseling LLC and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor providing online therapy to adults throughout Minnesota. She has 15+ years of experience working with anxiety, depression, trauma, relationships, grief and life transitions. Her approach incorporates evidence-based therapies including CBT, ACT, Solution-Focused Therapy and trauma-informed care.
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